Penelope Blossom Finds Religion When ‘Riverdale’ Returns In July

by Rachel Bellwoar

It might be a while before Riverdale returns, but at least the promo for episode eleven promises a new religion led by Cheryl’s mom (Nathalie Boltt):

That’s what happens when your volunteer fire department is too busy dealing with a prison break to save maple orchards. But while Penelope’s faith might’ve come out of left field, the bigger surprise might’ve been Cheryl (Madelaine Petsch) going along with her plan to fight fire with prayer.

Chad (Chris Mason) showed his Hiram (Mark Consuelos) colors this week. Anytime you think your husband is capable of murder-suicide, you shouldn’t meet with him by yourself (anyone else think the food was poisoned when Veronica mentioned the helicopter crash?), but Veronica (Camila Mendes) not telling Archie (KJ Apa) about the blackmail is a mistake. His mom (Molly Ringwald) is a lawyer. She might be busy trying to help Frank (Ryan Robbins) right now (because it turns out if you escape prison you don’t have to go back), but certainly she’d have time for a Ponzi scheme.

As for Jughead (Cole Sprouse), he has to survive being abducted first, but hopefully someone throws an intervention for him soon. It’s been alarming watching him spiral this season and, not that the show has ever shown much interest in his friendship with Archie, but the series literally had to introduce a new character (Erinn Westbrook) to put up with him. And while he has the perfect girlfriend, how come Betty (Lili Reinhart) is stuck with the guy (Greyston Holt) who wants to write a dissertation on her family?

And then Jughead buys drugs and expects not to pay for them! Drugs have never been a solution to writer’s block, but no one should act that entitled. Leave it to Riverdale, though, to find a way of tarnishing the image of Jughead eating a burger forever. Are the aliens his ghostwriters because he couldn’t have written that much by himself?

Riverdale returns Wednesday, July 7th on The CW.

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