Comic Couples We Love (To Hate)

This week, the team here at Comicon.com has talked about pairings that we love together. Today, we’re changing gears JUST a little to talk about some of our LEAST favorite pairings. Yes, these are the couples we love TO HATE!

Clark Kent & Princess Diana of Themyscira

We might as well start with one of the biggest ones. Of all of these pairings, only one of them got an entire series dedicated to them, and frankly, it’s one of the better series from the New 52 that wasn’t Batman… but that still didn’t make the pairing itself any good. Clark Kent and Diana work best as friends and colleagues who can acknowledge that they have a mutual attraction but nothing more. In the New 52, it was made worse by the fact that the two had barely really gotten to know each other on-page, they were both severely out of character, and their pairing was entirely based on “wouldn’t it be cool if the two strongest Leaguers started hooking up?”

The pairing has worked one time, and one time alone- in Kingdom Come when the two reconnected after suffering immense loss- including Lois Lane. It made sense in the context of the story and their history together, but it was the exception not the rule.

Mary-Jane Watson & Paul Rabin

See that image of these two? That’s deliberate. Extremely deliberate.

There’s only one ship name for this pairing, and it’s not a cute mash-up of their names. It’s “editorial mandate- the couple!” Look at this point, Marvel needs to simply get Peter Parker and Mary-Jane Watson back together permanently. Yes, they’ve almost been separated longer than they were together, but Spider-Man has worked better when MJ is back in Peter’s life long term. Plus, they have a young and single Spidey in Miles Morales, and DC has proven that a stable, happy relationship can still work long term in comics with Lois and Clark.

Nothing embodies the gymnastics the publisher has gone through to keep Peter and MJ apart than Paul and MJ’s relationship. Paul is a cipher of a character that MJ connected with in a strange shadow dimension. Her loyalty to him is confusing and poorly explained (outside of a shared trauma), and we’ve seen little redeeming qualities in him. Hell, until the last month or two of Zeb Wells’ Amazing Spider-Man run, there was doubt that he was a real person and not a magical construct (like their now vanished children- don’t ask), and from those revelations, he may be a bad guy.

Hey, but at least Dylan Brock is roasting him hilariously every month in the pages of All New Venom.

Bruce Wayne & Barbara Gordon

Notice how Barbara Gordon was missing from the list of Batman’s love interests we wrote up? That’s because they’re a terrible match. First there’s the age gap- though not always firmly established, Bruce was an adult when they met while Babs was- at best- a very young college student, if not a high schooler (Thank you DC’s constant reboots for making that hard to pin down). Then there’s a power dynamic between the two- Bruce as her mentor and teacher, plus his economic status. But even if those two elements didn’t exist the duo have never had chemistry in any way shape or form.

Frankly, besides Bruce having better love interests, it never works. The pairing feels forced the few times we’ve seen it, even putting aside the concerns above. Thankfully, it’s a coupling that’s only appeared in the DCAU, as well as a few tie-in comics to the animated universe.

Hal Jordan & Arisia Rrab

When Arisia first appeared in comics, she was a young girl. Then she moved to Earth, developed a crush on Hal Jordan, and used her ring to physically age herself up to something matching Hal. Then the editorial team realized that it was still gross and retconned her age to something closer to Earth adulthood and gave the explanation that her race ages slower than humans.

And that should tell you everything you need to know about why this relationship should not exist.

Carol Danvers & Marcus Immortus

Hey, you know that gross, sexist science fiction trope of a woman becoming pregnant through magic or incomprehensible science, then the pregnancy lasting mere days or weeks, then the newborn child rapidly aging themselves (with all the physical and mental development they need to not just be a large baby).

Yeah, add to that the “baby” convincing the mother to run away with him in a romantic relationship once he was an adult, and you know everything needed about Carol and Marcus.

It’s gross and, really, the less said, the better.