Comicon Advent Calendar Day 12: Spider-Man, Spider-Man, Flogs Yer Windows & Doors Like A Spider Can?

It’s the Comicon Advent Calendar – 24 days of comics goodness with a festive theme…

Now, sometimes Christmas comics are all about the season, whether it’s something sweet and sentimental or something darker and all about the problems of the end of the year.

And sometimes, well, sometimes they’re all about flogging product.

Spider-Man: Christmas in Dallas definitely falls into the latter category. It’s magnificently rubbish in so many ways, an obviously cobbled-together thing by Jim Salicrup, Alan Kupperburg, and Mike Esposito. Not anyone’s finest hour at all.

The whole thing came about as a special give-away supplement inserted into a 1983 copy of The Dallas Times Herald – all of which meant a chance for the Herald to flog as much ad space as possible, much of it taking advantage of every generic Spidey pose it could, leading to beauties like this…

So, Peter Parker’s headed to Dallas to cover a charity ball thrown by a millionaire inventor with all of America’s millionaires headed there to support the poor orphans.

Cue moment of reflection as Peter realises he’s not going to be at Aunt May’s for Christmas and the beginnings of a handy recap for anyone in Dallas who didn’t know Spidey’s origin story… because there must have been maybe three of them…

But wouldn’t you know it, the Kingpin’s got wind of the multiple millionaires at the shindig and decides to crash the party. Although obviously he has to mug a Santa first just so he can make a nice impression as he robs everyone…

Cue fighting. Fight, fight, fighty, fight fight…

… Only to have one of the inventors help the web-slinger defeat Kingpin using his anti-gravity device… because why not?

All is now well and of course Peter manages to get back to Aunt May for Christmas morning.

Well, all is well apart from the Kingpin, now floating away into the atmosphere to certain death.

But hey, Christmas! Buy some boots and a patio door.