Toy Review: ‘G.I. Joe Classified’ Retro Cobra Valkyrie Is A Fun Figure And Worth The Wait

It’s was a great week of looks at some of Hasbro’s latest G.I. Joe Classified releases, and we’re opening another week with a look at a retro card release of one of the line’s smash hit originals.

Let’s be real. When it comes to cartoons originating in the 1980s, they were usually sausage parties. Every team has a token member that was usually just “the girl” in role, personality and more. He-Man had Teela. Team Voltron had Princess Allura. The Ninja Turtles had April, and so on.

G.I. Joe was a bit better than most — the team did feature Lady Jaye, Scarlett, Cover Girl and, later, Jinx (yes, still not a great ratio but better than most). Cobra on the other hand really only had the Baroness. Meanwhile, Cobra was full of faceless goons: the Vipers. However, none of them ever appeared to be female.

That changed with G.I. Joe Classified as they introduced the Valkyries. Initially in a two-pack, the Valkyries proved to be exceptionally popular, leading to their inclusion in the Energon Universe G.I. Joe and this retro card figure. Though they’re dressed like a classic general Viper, they’re actually basically “cleaners” — they walk the battlefield and “usher the fallen to Valhalla.”

Yep, they’re taking out the wounded.

The design is relatively basic, when you look at G.I. Joe in general. This is simply a feminine form of the version 1 Viper. She’s a great looking figure though (even if her buttocks are a bit too lovingly sculpted), capturing the look really well.

She doesn’t have a ton of accessories, but the ones that are here are great. I don’t think she needs alternate hands, considering her whole story is walk through the battlefield and gun down wounded Vipers, or an alternate head because she’s a masked goon (though the original release’s goggles-and-gas-mask head wouldn’t be unwelcome). I think the two things that may be lacking are a pack of some sort and a little bit more combat-ready knife (like a Ka-Bar or karambit).

I did really like the figure posed. She simply posed great, working in museum poses, standing action, and flight stand poses in equal measure. She had just the right mixture of flexibility (including solid butterfly shoulders) and movement. Her joints were clean and, unlike a lot of female figures recently, none of her limbs felt flimsy.

If you can find this figure, she comes highly recommended. It’s one of the few Joes I’ve picked up outside of the classics or ones I owned as a kid, and I wasn’t sorry.